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Caring for a bed-bound, elderly mother; recommendations welcome...
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Hello, friends! Been caring for my mother for years now (two hip replacements, osteoarthritis in most major joints, two strokes, heart failure, AF, sticky blood syndrome...), but I've just got her home after her second stroke, she's unable go self-mobilise (commode/toilet aren't viable options now), and I feel like my care requirement has levelled up.
Any hacks/tips/recommendations? She has a few care appointments each day, but I'm not happy about letting her sit in a soiled pad until they arrive. Just went on an Amazon splurge for open back nighties, incontinence sheets for the bed (she's been supplied with a hospital bed), body wipes and gloves. Any other tools/product recommendations would be welcome.
And how about the mental side? She broke down a bit at her own inability to care for herself this morning. I'd like to think I do a reasonably good job of supporting her (giving her space to feel what she's feeling, then gently focusing on how we make best of current circumstance), but any other experiences/tips/considerations would be gratefully received.
Thanks in advance.
Top Comment: On recommendation of the hospice CNA, I use large reusable pads under mom, over the sheet. They act as positioning aids as well adding some padding and absorbency if the one-use chux that go directly under her get wet. Since she's been wearing disposable briefs that hasn't been a problem. She actually stays cleaner and dryer now that she's bedbound than when she was ambulatory. My mom has Alzheimer's so there's no emotion concerning her about her ability to do anything, really. Also, something to consider now, before pressure sores happen or to help if they are present, consider getting one of those variable pressure mattress pads. I got one for about $80 on Amazon, the compressor is silent unless it's touching the wall and I don't have to turn her like a rotisserie chicken. Watch YouTube for how to change a bedbound person's briefs and ask the care folks to show you how to do it. I got mom one of those adaptive tops with the snaps at the shoulders and I wasn't thrilled. There was too much fabric to bunch up under her back and I'm in constant fear of another pressure sore. I treated and healed two, I really don't want any more to develop.
My gf (f23) just wet the bed and I (m23) couldnt care less. How do I make her feel better about it?
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It's all in the title. Dating 3 years, living together for 1.5. I woke up this morning to her laying on a towel and the smell of perfume. I asked her what was up because she was being sketchy about it and after ignoring the question outright, she just asked me tearfully to just go start my day.
At this point i had pretty much figured it out and i just wanted her to tell me she was ok (that it wasnt anything serious like she may be hiding an illness or infection or anything) but she just went on about how she's embarassed that a 23-y-o woman had an accident.
I tried to tell her it's not a big deal and I really didnt care, Id help her change the sheets and whatnot but she basically kicked me out of our room so she could change the sheets.
Tl;dr: GF randomly wet the bed, is super embarassed. How do I approach her when she gets home from work to assure her it's really not a big deal?
Edit: Sorry if this was unclear. This incident just happened last night, it's never happened before in the time we've lived together or that we've slept over at each other's places prior to that. I also washed the sheets so she wouldnt have to bother with it
Top Comment: Don't bring it up ever again.
Why does Jim Cramer care so much about Bed Bath & Beyond’s prospects as a business?
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I mean he’s been hysterically tweeting the last couple of days at management to raise capital, and he’s on CNBC chiding, almost in tears begging the CEO and calling her obtuse and paralyzed.
It just shows how much he cares about Bed Bath as a company, he just wants the best for them so they can ‘survive and not die’
What a wonderful and thoughtful human being, he’s definitely NOT, NO WAY, NEVER compromised or beholden to his hedgies friends who are underwater and as he put it, getting crushed.
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Because he can’t grift people with his “not financial advice” if the meme stocks take over. Everyone knows it’s a fugazi, but he likes to get money for telling you it’s not
How do you act in bed with a girl you really care about versus with someone you have no romantic feelings for?
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So if you are in bed with a girl who you really care about and like versus a girl who you just see as a friend/hook up, what, if anything, is different in the way you treat her and act? What are some examples of things you might do differently before, during after, the next morning, etc?
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I disappoint them both.
LPT: if you're taking care of children, always make bed time special and safe, always
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Doesn't matter what happened that day or who you/they are, treat bed time like a separate universe where nothing even remotely bad or negative exists or happened, especially if you're not the best with kids. Dump everything you have into bed time, stories, I love yous, tuck ins, everything and don't let any negativity from you, them, videogames, or anything slip in. Bed time is unique as it's their reset button for the next day and is huge in their development as it's the precursor for sleep which is vital emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, everything. It's their only true alone time even if they don't remember the dreams. If you can only be nice at one point in the day for some reason, make it bed time.
Edit1: Woow holy moly thanks everyone, warms my heart reading the stories and hearing the gratitude. Glad it's helping some people! Love you all, everyone gove yourself a hug for me please. :) <3
Edit2: Also thankyou very much for the awards! They're the first ones I've ever gotten c':
Edit3: I love you all, sorry I can't reply to every comment haha but I'm getting to what I can. Thankyou all again for sharing your stories and everything! <3
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Add: if one parent can't participate (i.e. - dad is home at night while mom works), have a signature stuffy that you leave across the room. When mom comes home late, have her tuck the stuffy in with the child so the child has a visual that mom said goodnight anyway, even when child was asleep.
Long term care in Ontario and crisis
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My mom has been waiting for a bed in a long term care home for over a month, she is a crisis case. She is not in hospital so she is a community case. My mother has dementia and is quickly getting worse day by day. We have put over 15 homes on her list and still nothing. I’m just wondering how long other families have had to wait it out in limbo being a crisis case and still living in the community and not in hospital?
Top Comment: My Dad is considered a crisis case (in hospital taking up a double room) and has been waiting since early March. When we first got on the list they said they thought a room would open up fairly quickly....but here we are....still waiting.
One Month Sleeping On A Shikibuton: Thoughts, Care, And Warnings For New Users/Those Considering
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Hey all. I'm not very active looking at this sub, but I saw a lot of post of users considering buying a Shikibuton or "minimalist bed", whatever you want to call it. Today marks one month of me sleeping on my futon and I wanted to post my thoughts on the mattress and some care tips and warnings for those considering purchasing.
To make it short, I'm very happy with my futon. I prepared for this for awhile and got what I wanted. I sleep just as well as I did on my old bed. But I bought it to free space in my small bedroom and got just that. The freedom to do yoga, workout, and just move around however I would like in private is wonderful. I even use my futon as a couch sometimes.
But a futon is far more of a commitment than a normal bed. A bed was very minimal work of changing the sheets. Having a futon feels like I'm deep cleaning my comfort space once a week. But again, I was ready for this and you should be too before you buy.
Here are my warnings: Buy your Futon when it's on Sale: My futon and the tatmi mats totalled to $1.2k including shipping. It would've been way more if I didn't get it on sale.
Do not buy if you cannot lift heavy objects: Futons are heavy, be ready to do a lot of lifting. Twice daily, I fold and lift my mattress to store. Weekly, I take my futon outside to air-out. I'm lucky enough to be able to do such things with ease. But if you have issues with your body then please avoid a futon as it well add stress and complications.
Be ready to change your cleaning habits to suit your futon: Like I said, I use to only change the sheets on my bed. Now, every Sunday, I take my futon outside to air-out. Wash my sheets and my dog's blanket. And I move everything out of my room to sweep and mop the floor (something I didn't do often because my bed took most of the space in my room). I'm fine with all of this. I got the futon for hygiene reasons as well and I love cleaning my space and the mental clarity that I'm rewarded with. But if this sounds like a turn off, reconsider your purchase.
Allow your body time to adjust: Your sleeping on the floor. Your body may not be use to the new surface and adjustments. It took my body three nights to become comfortable with the new mattress, but I slept throughout the night. Play it safe and set up your futon on a weekend so your not going into work tired and cranky.
Now for the care of your futon. Depending on where you buy, follow the manufacturers care and keeping instructions. I care for my futon based on both the manufacturers instructions and traditional Japanese futon care. These are just a few tips based on how I personally care for my futon
Warning: Seriously, proper care of your futon is important and should not be taken lightly as miscare will lead to bugs and mold.
Make sure you have the space for airing out for futon: If you have a balcony, buy some big clamps to sucre it on your railing a-la Japanese apartments. If you have a backyard, like I do, carry it outside and make sure you have an open surface to lay it on. (I use the railing for outdoor tents for family gatherings as it promotes proper airflow.) If you have neither, or it's winter/raining, but have the space indoors and an open air surface to lift and lay your futon on, like an indoor clothes hanger/line, use that. It's very important to ensure your futon is proped up on something that will give it the air circulation it needs. You don't beat the impurities out of your futon, nor let it lay flat or folded in the ground unless you want mold. You let the sun and air do their job to clean it. Let it air-out on each side for two hours between 10 AM - 2 PM on warm summer days. These times will adjust depending on climate!
Load up on baking soda: Baking soda is your best friend. Sprinkle it on each side of your futon and vacuum it off. I get boxes for 50¢ each at Aldi.
Buy a hand vacuum: If you already have a gentle vacuum, that'll do. But you have a good hand vacuum to clean your futon of bugs and other impurities. Learn from my mistakes and don't get a cheap $20 one that can't hold a charge.
That's about it for me. I have to get back to vacuuming my futon with my cruddy vacuum.
[Edit] Wow! My first ever award! Thank you so much kind human!!!
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I think you saved me over a thousand dollars, so thank you. I've been wondering whether I would like to switch from a bed to save space, and while being able to clean the whole floor and have extra space daily is still extremely tempting, I just don't think I'm the type who's willing to put that much work into it. I would no doubt ruin a futon in months and would never really appreciate to it's full potential. I currently sleep on a sleeper sofa, which is surprisingly comfortable for me, and I only put it away like once a month. And that's already so much easier than caring for a futon, and I still can't be bothered. My current bedroom is too small for a full bed, so I'm a bit disappointed this isn't the best option for me, but I know myself too well to think I can handle one. Thank you for this.
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